Flash Fiction Friday: I shoot….(NSFW)

This scene has been bouncing around my mind for sometime and I thought that it would fit here as part of Flash Fiction Friday. It is written in script form (or as close to it as I can manage) and it gets its NSFW rating do to the use (and abuse) of a certain word.

——
Cast:

Jack Tick (Simon Pegg)
Harold Harrison (Nick Frost)
Sgt. Major (Rupert Grint)
Captain (Me)

——
Setup:

The Captain of the I.C.S. Vanguard gives Tick (a human from present day Earth) and Harrison (his alien escort) a tour of his ship. The three enter a large room with weapons of all types in horizontal racks. A long rectangular metal table sits in the only furniture in the room. Several rifles, each one more exotic than the next lay on the table in separate states of assembly. The Sgt. Major is working on one of them when the scene begins.

——
Scene:

Captain

And this is the armory.

Sgt. Major snaps into attention when he hears the Captains words.

Captain

At ease Sgt. Major.

The Sgt. Major stands at ease.

Captain

So tells us, Sgt. Major, what exactly do you do here.

Sgt. Major

I shoot shit.

Tick

What?

Sgt. Major

I shoot shit. If shit needs to be shot, I shoot it. I shoot all kinds of shit; ion shit, proton shit,particle shit

Tick turns to Harrison and whispers.

Tick

Isn’t that all the same shit.

Harrison shrugs.

The Sgt. Major ignores this.

frozen shit,flaming shit and full metal jacket shit. If it ain’t shit before I shoot at it it will be after I’m done shooting shit at it. And if for some reason I miss whatever shit I am shooting at will be shitting brick size shits and praying to their shitty gods because they know that I won’t make the same shitty mistake twice.

Captain

Very thorough as always, Sgt Major.

Tick

No shit!

Captain and the Sgt. Major exchange salutes. Captain, Tick and Harrison depart the armory. The Sgt. Major returns to dismantling another weapon.

End scene.

——–

Well there you go. I’ll leave it to you, oh gentle readers to decide if the scene “works” or not.

And now for some music:

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